My Secret War

For the past few weeks I have been in something of a personal dilemma on if I even want to be continuing on this blog since that I have been dealing with a load of personal problems and that it has been coming quite a big problem for me. 

I have always wanted to do something rather good with this blog since that for my first plan that I wanted to do that being vlogging but then that blew up in my face, then I tried creating another channel that I wanted to do with creating content but then again I managed to f— that up even more since that after seeing the problems that I’ve seen happen I have basically decided to throw that away. When I started this I never knew where I wanted this to go and frankly at this point I don’t even know if I even want to continue even with it past this post.

I think that one of the reasons that I find with my problems is that I have been suffering from a lot of personal problems. There have been a lot of times where I just didn’t even want to write blogs at all. I took a large four or five month break because I felt stressed out trying to come up with blogs that I wrote that are pretty much are all broken and incomplete that it took me to roughly November I think to put out a post.

I also have a feeling that another reason why I have these personal problems is because it feels that I have no idea on who to talk to about any of the problems that I have going on in my personal life. Since most of my friends seem to live quite a distance away from me and they all have things going on with themselves and I always just think that they wouldn’t need something else to clog up their own lives. But over social media I have been putting up statuses that do hint towards something’s but nobody cares on actually asking if there is anything wrong with me.

A lot of the times I wonder what my life would have been like if I did things differently, I wonder what my life would have been like if I never made the biggest mistake in my life and fell for the wrong girl who pretty much crushed my heart. I might have been a completely different person as of this moment, I may have found the right person for me but as of this moment it is still something that has bothered me for the past three years.  

I do wish that I had people to talk to about my personal problems since with all the news about people dying has me feeling rather depressed with my life and that I think by having somebody to outlet myself to somebody who would be willing to listen to me because I get a bad feeling that if I don’t end up getting my feelings out that I am going to end up doing something that I am going to really regret later this year.

I hope that with this blog that at least somebody tries to get in touch with me through this post. But hopefully by the weekend I should be back to writing the 101st blog that was supposed to be my 100th.

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